On Sunday afternoon, I was eating lunch at Taco Bell with a good friend of mine. We were having a deep conversation, about life and things going on and how we were. As we were finishing up this conversation two girls were standing outside with their dog. I turned to my friend and I said, "I love puppies. I want to pet it." Her response was, "I figured you did."
As she headed to the garbage can with our trash, I headed outside to pet the puppy. I asked the girls if I could pet their dog and they said yes. I soon found out that this wet, panting puppy's name was Buster and he is an 11 year old Beagle that has just had a good swim. As I bent down to pet Buster, I started to smell him. Wet, old dog. He was smiling at me as I reached out my hand. I fully intended to just simply pat him and say hi.
I am a huge dog lover, well really just an every-animal lover. I will stop and pet every animal in site, whether mine or not, whether flea-infested or not, whether in the states or in a 3rd world country. But even as much as I love animals, I also love looking and smelling nice. I don't like to smell like wet dog and I really don't like dog hair all over me. I dress up because I like to look nice, I put on perfume because I like to smell nice and even though I love dogs (or puppies, as I call every dog) I'm good with just patting them, saying hi, then moving on and washing my hands.
However, on Sunday, something else happened. As I put my hand on Buster to pat him, he smiled so big and started inching very slowly closer to me while still sitting. My heart melted and I took both hands and started petting him. I didn't care about smelling, I didn't care about dog hair. I just wanted to show this precious puppy love. He was so full of joy as I showed him attention and scratched his ears.
In that moment my heart started to change. In less than 2 months I will be in Africa. There will be kids as far as the eye can see. And as much as I hate to admit it, I have treated humans, in many ways, the same way I treat dogs. I don't want to get dirty and smelly. I want my clothes to last and I want to not repulse people with my smell.
I wanted to kick myself at this realization. "Really Krystal?! You don't want to love on people because you'll smell bad and look dirty?! How shallow." But instead of letting me kick myself, the Lord opened my eyes and made my heart cry.
He reminded of a moment last year in Africa. We were at the garbage dump, where people live and find food, and look for things to sell. A guy on our team, Chris, saw an older man sitting by himself going through the trash. Chris took our translator and went to talk to the man. Chris just loved on him and asked him about life and told him about Jesus. I was standing not too far away, just watching and listening. They talked, then prayed, and at the end Chris asked the man if he could give him a hug. The man said, "If you really want to you can, but I know that you probably don't want to because I am so dirty and smelly." Then, without hesitation, Chris bent over and hugged the man.
I turned my back to them and started to cry. I thought, "Lord, how could someone think that they are so disgusting that they don't deserve love? This man deserves more love than most of us think that we do and he thinks that he doesn't deserve any." That moment will always stay with me, but on Sunday I had a very different look on it. I was the one that wouldn't show him love. I'm the one that sees a homeless man and thinks, "Gosh he looks dirty." I'm part of the problem. I have treated people like I think they are gross.
I pray that the Lord continues to change my heart. I pray that the Lord continues to show me the ugliness in my heart and continues to remove it. I pray that the Lord will always break my heart and show me that I am no better than the man on the corner asking for money, or the children in Africa with no shoes who live in the garbage dump. I pray that He continues to remind me everyday to lay my life down, It's for His Kingdom, not for Krystal's kingdom.
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