This is the question that I was faced with 2 days ago.
On Sunday afternoon, I was eating lunch at Taco Bell with a good friend of mine. We were having a deep conversation, about life and things going on and how we were. As we were finishing up this conversation two girls were standing outside with their dog. I turned to my friend and I said, "I love puppies. I want to pet it." Her response was, "I figured you did."
As she headed to the garbage can with our trash, I headed outside to pet the puppy. I asked the girls if I could pet their dog and they said yes. I soon found out that this wet, panting puppy's name was Buster and he is an 11 year old Beagle that has just had a good swim. As I bent down to pet Buster, I started to smell him. Wet, old dog. He was smiling at me as I reached out my hand. I fully intended to just simply pat him and say hi.
I am a huge dog lover, well really just an every-animal lover. I will stop and pet every animal in site, whether mine or not, whether flea-infested or not, whether in the states or in a 3rd world country. But even as much as I love animals, I also love looking and smelling nice. I don't like to smell like wet dog and I really don't like dog hair all over me. I dress up because I like to look nice, I put on perfume because I like to smell nice and even though I love dogs (or puppies, as I call every dog) I'm good with just patting them, saying hi, then moving on and washing my hands.
However, on Sunday, something else happened. As I put my hand on Buster to pat him, he smiled so big and started inching very slowly closer to me while still sitting. My heart melted and I took both hands and started petting him. I didn't care about smelling, I didn't care about dog hair. I just wanted to show this precious puppy love. He was so full of joy as I showed him attention and scratched his ears.
In that moment my heart started to change. In less than 2 months I will be in Africa. There will be kids as far as the eye can see. And as much as I hate to admit it, I have treated humans, in many ways, the same way I treat dogs. I don't want to get dirty and smelly. I want my clothes to last and I want to not repulse people with my smell.
I wanted to kick myself at this realization. "Really Krystal?! You don't want to love on people because you'll smell bad and look dirty?! How shallow." But instead of letting me kick myself, the Lord opened my eyes and made my heart cry.
He reminded of a moment last year in Africa. We were at the garbage dump, where people live and find food, and look for things to sell. A guy on our team, Chris, saw an older man sitting by himself going through the trash. Chris took our translator and went to talk to the man. Chris just loved on him and asked him about life and told him about Jesus. I was standing not too far away, just watching and listening. They talked, then prayed, and at the end Chris asked the man if he could give him a hug. The man said, "If you really want to you can, but I know that you probably don't want to because I am so dirty and smelly." Then, without hesitation, Chris bent over and hugged the man.
I turned my back to them and started to cry. I thought, "Lord, how could someone think that they are so disgusting that they don't deserve love? This man deserves more love than most of us think that we do and he thinks that he doesn't deserve any." That moment will always stay with me, but on Sunday I had a very different look on it. I was the one that wouldn't show him love. I'm the one that sees a homeless man and thinks, "Gosh he looks dirty." I'm part of the problem. I have treated people like I think they are gross.
I pray that the Lord continues to change my heart. I pray that the Lord continues to show me the ugliness in my heart and continues to remove it. I pray that the Lord will always break my heart and show me that I am no better than the man on the corner asking for money, or the children in Africa with no shoes who live in the garbage dump. I pray that He continues to remind me everyday to lay my life down, It's for His Kingdom, not for Krystal's kingdom.
Hi!
Yay for my first blog! I am so excited to start keeping you guys informed of all things Africa and other things going on in my life!
So I guess that I should start from the beginning, since that is the title of this blog.
As long as I could remember, I've always had a heart for missions. As a child I wanted to go to Africa. I never knew "why Africa" or "where Africa", but I knew I wanted to go. When I was around 10 or 12 I started warning my parents of my intentions of long term missions. I used to tell my mom, "Just so you know, your grandkids will be born in another country." I don't think she was too happy about that idea but she always told me to go after what the Lord had called me to no matter what.
As I got older my heart for missions only increased. I went on my first mission trip to Peru in 2008, when I was 17. It wrecked my life and I never wanted to come home. In 2010 I went on my 2nd missions trip to Haiti. Haiti opened my eyes so much. I saw a culture that was not Christian and worshipped other gods and chanted at all hours of the night. But by the end of the week the standoffish and distant community were embracing us, helping us clean up rubble, and letting us sit with them while they taught us their language. I got to witness His love in motion.
For 2 more years after Haiti (four years after my 1st mission trip) the Lord continued to work in my life and teach me so much. In 2011 the Lord started to teach me love and what it looked like. He also showed me that
my "mission field" is where He has me planted, yes one day I hoped
that would be Africa but in the meantime it was in Mississippi. So I was learning love and learning to be content where He had me and to love on the people around me, not just waiting for the time when I would go to Africa to love on people.
In April 2012, an opportunity literally (or so I felt)
feel in my lap. A church that I was attending was going to Africa! After praying about it for a week and asking the Lord if I could go and a meeting with the pastor, I was getting prepared to finally go to the place that my heart had longed for for 21 years.
And in June 2012 I was on my way to Africa! The trip was 3 weeks long. It
wrecked my life. It wasn't what I thought it would be. At first I was very disappointed. I didn't want to be there and I wanted to go
home. I think so often we have a picture of what the next season will look
like, how it will go, how we will feel, and rely on that. Then it happens and
it's nothing like we thought. It doesn't look the way we thought it would, it
doesn't go the way we thought it would, and we don't feel at all how we thought
we would. That's what the first several days in Africa were for me, a
disappointment.
That first week the Lord showed me so much. I learned so much about Him and His people and His calling on our lives. I had always thought that a missionary's life would be glamorous. I soon found out that it wasn't. It was serving and loving, and serving and loving are not always easy. During the the time we were there, we spent so much time with missionaries. We loved on them and they loved on us. I saw first hand the struggles and the joys that come with being a missionary. It was very eye opening and heart opening. By the end of the time there, my heart for missions had not gone away, it had actually grown stronger, but I now knew that it would be a long and glorious road of surrender to the King, not free of struggles but rather a beautiful road filled with bumps that I will travel along with my Lover, Provider, Papa, and Saviour beside me the whole way.
I am excited for the journey that the Lord has taken me on. Every step has been to prepare me for the calling He has on my life. He has written this story in only a way that He can. I've decided along the way to let Him write it and to just step out of His way and see His mighty works. I'm just the pen and He uses me how He sees fit. My heart has just grown bigger and bigger for His calling on my life. I am so excited to be on this new journey back to Africa in October. I'll be attending a 3 month mission school in the same place that I visited last year. There will be people coming from all over the world who have a heart for missions. This school will be a piece of the training ground, as well as opportunities for long term missions.
I pray that the Lord wrecks my life. I pray that even now He is drawing me to Him and taking me deeper everyday. I don't want this school to be a "high". I don't want to go to enjoy my time and then move on with my life. I want to be drawing closer to Him everyday and continuing that in Africa. I want to be overflowing with His love now and when I get to Africa what I pour out on people would be the overflow of the love the Lord has giving me.
I look forward to this new season in my life that is coming up rather fast but I'm also enjoying the season that He has me in now. Learning to seek Him and be silent and just soak in Him (which has proven to be difficult in this fast-pace driven world).
Thank you to everyone that made it to the end on this long-winded blog. I love you all and would love to hear from each of you!
