Love and Walls

Love. What does love look like? What does it feel like? How do you love? How do you know when you're loving and when you're not? Why does love hurt?
Walls. Where do they come from? Why are they so easy to hide behind? How do you get them to come down?

Love and Walls. Like oil and water.
They don't mix. You can try all day long to mix them, but they never will. We say our walls are to keep us safe but all they really do is keep out Love. Our walls close down our minds, ears, eyes, and hearts. We can't function in the world around us because the "safety of our walls" is keeping us from experiencing that world. We think that we are safe. We have created our castles, walls, bubbles, etc. for our protection but in the end it only "protects" us from Love. We say that we built these walls to keep us from the pain of this world but all it really does is sweep our emotions under the rug. Do we really not feel pain? Are our walls truly keeping us from being hurt?

When Love and Walls collide.
What happens when your walls are met with Love? What stronger force is there? No matter the years and the experience we've had when building our walls, they will always crumble when met by Love. With or without our approval, our walls will fall. It will feel as though our whole world is crumbling down and in a way, it is. Our walls will be gone and our hearts will be exposed. It will hurt like hell, Love always does. It will be new and we'll have to learn so many things all over again, but this time we'll be doing it the right way. With Love. This time our minds, ears, eyes, and hearts will be fully open and ready to experience the world around us. 

Letting my walls crumble is the hardest thing I've had to do. My walls have protected me for 23 years. They have been my constant. They have been what has held me together when everything else was falling apart. Now I am surrounded by Love and I have no idea how to participate. My world is crumbling, yet I know that it needs to. I know that opening up hurts, Love hurts, being human HURTS, but it is all worth it. And it's time to see me and to see those around me through Love. I'm ready to take Mother Teresa and Papa seriously and let Love take over. 

Life's Journey (so far)

       So far this journey of life has taken me to so many places. It's taken me to many states and countries and cultures and people but more than that it has taken me places within myself and places within people and places within Papa. 

       I have been in many different seasons in my life. I have learned many lessons and seen new things and realized that there is so much I don't know and so much I haven't seen. As I grow older and learn more I realize more and more that I know so little. 

       This season in my life that I am in is a very real, raw, and new place for me. Never in my life have I been in a season like this but all my past seasons have led to this. And never in my life have I seen Papa like this. It has been a hard season of wondering and searching and growing. 

       I have so many questions and there is so much I don't understand and so much I want to know. But in this new season I am learning more and more about His goodness and more and more about His love and that brings me peace. There is nothing that I want more than to be in Him and Him in me. It used to bother me to no end that I didn't have all the answers and confusion was my biggest enemy. I used to cry because I felt so lost wondering if I would ever be found. But now I see that Jesus is in me and because He is not lost, I am not either. 

       Answers are not my quest and confusion not my enemy. Love is the answer for all and He is here with me. Putting my life in His hands is what I love to do because I have seen and known His love and goodness. 

       23 years of this journey of life has taught me that I know very little and this simple fact brings a smile to my face and a leap to my heart. Because the less my head knows, the more space there is for Love and what He has planned. 

       My excitement for this life is coming back and I can't wait to live out the rest of it with Love. 

23 Years old. Still figuring out life and 

learning to love every step. 

What does the Grammys have to do with Love?

I guess since I have a blog now I can throw in my 2 cents about things. That's kinda exciting. 
Well here goes my 2 cents on the Grammys:

On Sunday night I find myself, like many of you, on the couch with my family watching the Grammys. I love moments like this when it's just us all curled up watching something that we all enjoy and can interact with each other. It's almost the ultimate family time, next to long walks in the park while holding hands and laughing together.
As we were starting the Grammys I was very excited. It started out with Beyouce and Jay Z, which was a rough start for me but I suffered through it and kept my excitement, you know, staying positive. As the show continued and I saw performances by people that I loved & people that my parents loved, saw awards given out, heard new songs, saw old and new performers, watched awards being given to people that didn't speak (well if they did you couldn't hear it through their helmets), squealed as I was awed by the singing acrobat, and watched Queen Latifah marry 33 couples I was filled with mixed emotions.

For the most part my reactions were pure joy and laughter. I loved almost every minute of the Grammys. It was awesome watching so many people come together because of the love of music. There was dancing and singing and crying and laughing, it was great! Who doesn't love watching people having a great time, or laughing your butt off with your family while you dance and act a fool? I know I sure do.

Now what shocked me the most was that my emotions that were not "joy and laughter" didn't come when Katy Perry performed or when Taylor Swift danced (and made all us white girls proud), or even when there was a wedding ceremony for 33 couples, including straights, gays, old, young,  and mixed race. Actually, those things took me into deep thought (minus the Taylor Swift dancing, my thought for that was: Amazing!).

The reason that I was shocked was because I know myself. I know how I think and how I judge. I grew up with a Christian background. I grew up in church. I was always surrounded by rules and commandments and sins. I was always told what I was doing, how I was doing it, and how to fix it. While these things are not wrong, it's not wrong to know that you are a sinner, it's not wrong to be told when you are in the wrong, it is, however, wrong to be told in a way that is more like "if you do this bad thing then Jesus won't love you anymore" and less like "es, you are a sinner (like me) but Papa loves you more than anything and always will." 
I say all that because many times growing up in the church actually ruins us. We know everything that is wrong and right, we know how to fix it, and we most defiantly know how to tell others what they're doing wrong and how to fix it.

So the whole Katy Perry performance and the 33 couples getting married including gays and mixed races is a tough one for me. Last year it would have made me sick to my stomach and want to wash out my eyes and heart with soap, because I'm a good little Christian that can't associate myself with "those people", but the truth is while yes, it does hurt my heart to see the sin in this world (just as all sin grieves the Father) it makes me want to Love bigger and judge less. Because as Christians, we have a few things right, but we have many things wrong. And we need to learn Love.

We don't truly know Love. 

Ok so I know you're thinking:
A) If we truly love those that we know are in the wrong, and show love to them, aren't we really just saying, "it's ok, do whatever you want"?
B) It's our job to "help" the people that don't know better. 
C) They are wrong and I am right.
D) It makes me uncomfortable
E) All of the above

But here's the thing:
A) Jesus said love. So we should. Not with our own intentions or with the mindset of "I can fix this person, if I love them enough they will come around and see that I'm right"
B) No. Chances are they do know better (or they have no idea and need Love to show them)
Sorry to bust our bubble but where did we get the idea that we are the Savior. Last time I checked that was Jesus' job. Yes, we do "help" Him (if that's how you want to look at it) but we NEVER do His job for Him. 
C) We need to pull out the log out of own eyes before we think about even looking at the speck in others. (Even if you think that all your sins together don't amount to the sins of someone you think is living in sin, you're wrong. Everyone has grieved His heart, everyone has made Papa cry, everyone has crushed Him, and we all continue to do so everyday.)
D) Again, lets look at ourselves. Why are we uncomfortable? Why does being with gays or drug addicts make us squirm?  Because they don't agree with us? Because they don't make us feel good about ourselves like our "Christian" friends do? 
Jesus spent His free time with prostitutes and tax collectors (I know, "tax collector" doesn't sound so bad, but look them up, they were some of the worst) . That was what He choose to do. That's what He wanted to do. He picked then up off the ground and loved them. He dined with them. He didn't "feel uncomfortable", and He never made them feel uncomfortable. 
E) All of the above.



Now all of these things are very new to me. This whole Love thing. Knowing Love and being Love. The reason that I've written all those reasons down is because those are the thoughts that I still have. I still feel like a lost sheep many days. I don't have the words or the answers or Love. I don't understand how Love can triumph over all. It doesn't make sense in my brain that if I simply show Love people will change. Since when does Loving someone win over punishing them or pointing out their flaws? I'm a confronter. I do not mind confrontation. I will tell you how it is and why it's wrong in a heartbeat. And to me, that makes sense, that works. 
But that contradicts what Jesus says. He says simply Love. 

Love. 
What is Love and how do we do it?
Well you see, Love isn't a thing or a feeling or something you do or a hug. It's actually a person. 
It's Papa Himself. 
So when we Love, it's not us. There is nothing in our human nature that is "good", nothing in us that "loves". Every piece of Love that we show is simply Him shining through us. That's it. 

So now here's a new perspective:

That drug addict that just smiled at you on the street; that's Love.
The gay couple that let you pass them in the grocery store because you had less stuff than them; that's Love.
The rebellious teenager that just said "Mom, I love you"; that's Love.
And all of those things are Papa showing you His love in everything and everyone. Love is already there, we just have to find Him.
And yes, we are called to Love, but how often do find Love in those we are called to?

Thank you for taking the time to listen to/read my heart. Please understand that I Love Jesus and He is surely in me. I am simply on this journey with Him and learning every step of the way. 


I Love you guys!

A plethora of African photos

Hi everyone!!

As many of you know I just returned from a 3 month trip to Africa. I was attending a missions school in Mozambique. The school was "Harvest School of Missions", it's with Heidi and Rolland Baker's Ministry.

Since one of the purposes of this blog was to inform you of all things Africa and I didn't update while I was there, I decided to put together some of my favorite moments. Now, since I was there for 3 months, I made lots of friends, had many favorite memories, I love taking photos, and this blog is entitled "A plethora (plethora meaning: a large or excessive amount of) of African photos" there will be a many photos.

I love you guys, thank you so much for everyone that loved and supported me. I defiantly felt prayed for and surrounded by love! You all mean so much more to me than you'll ever know. And to all my Harvest Schoolers, I love you guys. Thank you for being amazing and sharing this journey of your life with me!

So great ready for an excessive amount of photos!

I had the top bunk. :)

Our closet for 6 girls

Our last house meeting. :) 

My gorgeous house mates. 

Welcome to House 1!

Now that you've seen my house, let's head to the student hut and see what happens in class:

Empty school hut:

Full school hut:

What would life be without announcements?

Or those the announce? 

Worship!

Speakers!

And getting wrecked!

Praying for capulanas:

Praying for each other:

Critters!

And one of my favorite moments;

washing feet:

All in all,

I loved class

So now you've seen class, time for church!

9am ish :)

Well you've seen my house, class, and church. So what do we do in our down time?

Here goes:

We go to the beach!

And have picnics!

We climb trees!

We eat!!!

Ride in the back of trucks!!

We get dressed up and go to a wedding!

Enjoy the prayer hut :)

Celebrate birthdays!

And we just act cray cray!!

Watchin movies!

Dancing!

Singin Christmas carols!

Ridin horses!

Oh and how do we do everyday chores in Africa?
;)

Go to the bathroom:

Take showers:

Get water:

Either at the well:

Or a truck that comes into the student compound:

Wash clothes:

Shave our legs:

Take naps:

While all of these things do make us close, one thing that made us the closest and pulled us together was the night that it flooded. Here are some pictures of everyone working together and being a family!

Now that you've seen what we do in our down time, how we come together, and love on each other, I want to show you some pictures of what love looks like in the villages of Africa!

 

Thank you so much for checking out my pictures and sharing these moments with me. I love you guys!! I hope you enjoyed my plethora of African photos. And to end the pictures here are some pictures of gorgeous Mozambique!